Portal 5 in the 13 Portals project is Expression. The 5 symbolizes the beginning of the game; man playing and experimenting with the material world, the fool’s journey. It is the machine, language, knowledge, and expression. And it is taking Perola and I a long time to finish, mostly due to the fact that I recently whitewashed my initial painting and started over. My painting was too dark.
When I was a child of about 5 or 6 years old there was a ritual in my house of watching the news every evening before dinner. At 5pm, like clockwork, the war in Iraq exploded into our living room with its tanks, bombs, missiles, Saddam Hussein, terror and death. It affected me deeply, shattering my sense of reality and security. It was my first glimpse into the horrific side of this world. And I was horrified. Every day when the news came on I would crawl under the coffee table with my little brother, bringing along our favorite toys and we would play under there, in our own little bubble trying to shut out the sounds of violence from the television.
Life went on and I went on acting in a very similar sort of way, hiding under the metaphorical coffee table from the evils of the world. I didn’t want to watch the news, I didn’t want to know. I didn’t want to accept these truths into my reality. I couldn’t understand how such malevolence could exist in a world of such miracles and beauty. It ripped open my heart to hear about the tragedies of war, torture, and cruelty in both modern times and in the world’s history. I’d sooner remain ignorant than deal with that pain and reality. I was like an ostrich with my head in the sand.
This is a luxury I can no longer take. I’ve realized recently the dire importance of educating myself intensively about the problems of the world in order to have a chance at changing it for the better– in which ever way I can.
And so lately I have had an unquenchable thirst for catching up. I’ve been spending my mornings reading about political problems, world history, environmental issues and evil corporations such as Monsanto. At times its been very difficult for me. My jaw often drops from the atrocities I find. The unthinkable actions of modern day political prison camps, human sex trafficking, violence and war, layers over layers of political corruption… the list is long. My stomach clenches in queasiness and disbelief, my heart feels like its ripping into a million pieces and my tears fall, stinging my eyes as I learn more about the details of the tragedies I once avoided.
Facing the music, no matter how awful, has catalyzed the process of thinking deeply about how I can help to improve the world. I have a lot of ideas and I think the biggest tools we have are technology and the image.
But this is another story, back to Portal 5.
So channeled my frustration about these things into my work, into the Portal.
I painted a cotton gin, representing industry and the exploitation of the common man by the elites. The gin is depicted with sharp teeth and is pulling the clothing of the Joker into its trap. It exploits the fool who stands above the machine on a spinning gear. Snatching the cosmic fabric of the fool, the cotton gin strips out tainted, patented seeds (a reference to Monsanto) and propels the rest of the cotton through its inner gears, transforming it into stacks of money. The machine contains an eye and out of the eye comes a waterfall of tears, watering the seeds of destruction and corruption. I took the last few US dollars that I had with me(I am in Brazil) and sliced them up and glued them onto the canvas. I cut up an old Hamlet book and pasted the pages throughout the background.
Portal 5 in progress
The painting was in process and Perola and I were sitting across from the canvas, studying our work as we often do. Perola noticed the newly painted tears and sharp teeth and asked me about them. I told her what they represented as she listened intently. She hesitated a few times, thinking, and then said to me in a sensitive tone, “I think it is really important that we bring the best of each Portal.” My painting had taken a trip to the dark side, but I argued that since the fool had endless directions and possibility that it was good to depict both dark and light in the painting. I stated my case, firmly believing it and then I stopped for a moment to ponder and with a pang of aggravation, I realized she was right.
If we want these Portals to be transportive and mystical we need to bring out the holiest parts of ourselves and the highest aspects of the symbols associated with each number. My rant on the condition of the world didn’t belong here. I cringed. The realization meant painting over days of work. I loathe painting over work. It feels like such a loss of time. But it was the only way. I replaced the cotton gin with an intricate golden clock mechanism with a myriad of gears. It sits on a cosmic chess board which leads into an endless labyrinth. I will post some photos of the new version soon. in the meantime I am off on my own journey back to New York City. Portal 5 will have to be finished there. I’ve been away for over three months and I return a deeper human being. I am ready for Spring in New York and ready to bring the Portals to the streets!
“Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.”—
From The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran.